“Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I’m pregnant. What are we going to do? I’m pregnant. Oh my God”.
Luke and I had spent 3 weeks driving around Europe, visiting Spain, France and Italy, when I began to vomit each morning on the last few days of our trip. “You need to take a pregnancy test” my Mother told me as soon as we returned home. I laughed this off, not believing for a moment I could be pregnant. But as the evening drew on, her words played on my mind, so, at about 10pm, we walked to Tesco to buy a test, gripping each others hand tightly all the way.
Back home in our bathroom, I sat down, peed on two test sticks at once (better to be sure!), placed them face down on the side of the bath, and left the room. During the longest three minutes of our lives, Luke and I talked about the possible outcomes, how we would manage, and how it couldn’t possibly be positive. When the time was up, we returned to the bathroom and turned them over together, reading the result at the same time. “What does that mean?” Luke asked, knowing full well what the answer would be. “The second line is just a shadow surely?” he said in total shock.
I will be totally honest; at that moment my stomach dropped, my mouth went dry, my heart began to race. “Oh my God”. I burst into tears and began pacing the room and continued to sob for the next half an hour. “Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I’m pregnant. What are we going to do? I’m pregnant. Oh my God”.
Now let’s get this straight, it’s not like I didn’t want children. Luke and I had always talked about having them with eagerness and excitement. I had cooed over baby grows in the shops and begged Luke for a baby every time I spent time with my friends’ kids. We had longed for them ‘one day’, but when one day became today we were completely overwhelmed. I was in total shock. I worried about what our loved ones would say, whether we were ready to be parents, whether we had enough money to meet the needs of a child. I didn’t know what to do.
“We should go and see your Mum” Luke told me. We got in the car, went back to Tesco, bought another two tests and some Folic acid tablets and drove to my Mother’s house. We sat in my car on her driveway at 11pm and I couldn’t move from my seat. I felt like a teenager who’s parents had just caught them smoking. Eventually, after much convincing, I built up the courage to knock on the door. I have a fantastic relationship with my Mum, I don’t know why I was so filled with fear to tell her. Maybe it was because I felt that as soon as I did it would all become real.
“You know you said I should take a test?” I said quietly
“Yes” she replied looking at me with sympathy in her eyes
“Well we did and…” I nodded my head and burst into tears
“Oh Amy” she said softly
“I’m so scared” I told her between quiet sobs
She held me. She told me it was okay. She said I had nothing to be afraid of. She said it was going to be fine. And just like that, it was.
All of a sudden it was real, and it was okay. Over the next hour we sat down, discussed our next steps, and told my step-dad our news. “Congratulations!” he exclaimed, and our excitement slowly began to build. We returned home, four positive pregnancy tests clattering round in the bottom of my handbag, climbed into bed and held each other close. “We’re going to have a baby” he said, smiling at me. We talked about what we would do the next day and he fell asleep, leaving me laying awake for the next few hours, imagining our new future.
The following morning I booked a private scan for the next day, and registered at a local GP surgery. We attended a walk in appointment that morning, were assured that we were doing all the right things, and were referred to the midwife. The morning after Luke and I sat in the darkened ultrasound room watching our tiny baby on the screen, squeezing each others hand tight. The two of us were becoming three, and we couldn’t wait to meet our little one.